The myth of the perfect baby

  When I left off, I had just found out about mr peanuts.  It was quite an interesting ride, let me tell you!  He is absolutely amazing, but I'll get to that part later.  I got a referral to see an ob/gyn and made my appt.  I went to the appt expecting to have a normal intake type thing and get my schedule.  I knew I'd be high risk, but I guess I had no idea how high risk I'd be.  When I gave them my past medical, the nurse was rather stunned looking and at the end of the appt tells me she'll run my case by the dr to see if he accepts me.  Well guess what?  He didn't.    Turns out no one in my hobunk hillbilly hell town in bumblefuck california would take me.  Not a damn one.  I should mention I'm only about 80 miles away from LA at this point I guess.  I got to 16 weeks before my insurance could find a dr willing to take my case.  She is in LA...and wouldn't deliver me here.  I honestly don't remember if ...

  When I left off last time, I was just coming home with my ICD.  I recovered rather well, but one thing that sucked was not being able to lift my left arm above shoulder height for 3 months.  Quite difficult when you have a 2 year old LOL!  So over the course of the next year, I learned everything I could about cardiac issues.  Learned what was available at the time about Brugada.  Learned some horrible statistics that led me to believe I wouldn't last more than a few more years.    As time went on, and son #2 grew bigger, I got better.   At one point, my ejection fraction (the force with which your heart pumps blood out) was normal.  Almost unheard of with the ef I had before diagnosis.  I also had all my kids checked.  EKG only though, I am still unwilling to subject them to eps until they are older.  My daughter will be 18 in May, so I would like her to have one soon, but she is resistant.  Anyway, I also b...

  So today is another day, lol. Forgive me please if you don't like "text speak" I know it can be irritating, but I tend to lol quite a bit. Ok, so where did I leave off? Oh right...the birth and babyhood of son #2. So like I was saying, he was a super easy baby, my reward for my losses I suppose. We dabbled with the idea of just one more after I had chickened out on the tubal but kept saying that this baby had ruined it for any future babies because he was such an easy kid. Nursed well, slept well, was always happy.    Along about the time he was 18 months old or so I started to get super tired, super easy. Like washing the dishes wore me out. My dr assumed it was the fibro and put me on a med that not only made me completely loopy, but made me gain about 35 pounds in just over a month. It was awful. I stopped taking it, but I still felt just awful. My husband had to go to Oregon to work for a month and I was left at home alone with 3 kids by myself. My fam...

  So if you've read the previous posts, you know two things about me. 1. I rarely use correct grammar/typing/spacing/whatever, so if you're a post nazi , you're probably hating me. 2. I suck at consistency. The thing is, I thought that I'd have more time. I thought when I started this blog, I'd make an entry every few days or so, tell my story and that would be it. Didn't happen. If you look back to the 1st post, you'll remember when I started this blog I was pregnant.   Well, I'm not now. My little peanut is 8 months old now, and he brings my total of kids up to 4. I had my tubes tied during the c section so for sure no more for me! Ok , so moving on, I left off at my first miscarriage. I moved on from it, hoping and praying that since I'd gotten pregnant I could again, but knowing that it was risky. It took a while, and we had moved so I'd had some stress, but I ended up pregnant again. However, this pregnancy happened right afte...