The myth of the perfect baby

I don't even know where to begin today.  My life is so much different than it had ever been in any of my previous posts.  In part because the whole world is in crisis mode right now, and in part because my whole world changed but it was given back too.  Let me explain... Way back in July of 2017 I was cheating on my husband and he got drunk and kicked me out *rightly so I absolutely think he should have*.  I moved in with that man and proceeded to have the strangest 2 years of my life until he up and left with almost no warning on May 31 2019 and I had no choice but to be homeless or move back in with my still legal husband and kids and my adult daughter and her kids.  So guess where I live now?  With my legal husband and my kids and my adult daughter, her fiance and her kids. I say my legal husband because we didn't get back together when I moved back in, we just are best friends now.  And I can honestly say I will be extremely jealous when he finds...

It's that time of year again.  All hallow's eve and I haven't written a post in way too long.  I've been having some personal issues.  Yes, again.  I know, I have them a lot.  I can't even begin to describe how hard the last few weeks has been at home.  Financial shit backing up again, the hubs and I constantly fighting, the kids running amuck.  It's just been about as crazy as I'd ever hope it to be, except I don't hope for it.  I want it to calm the hell down.  I'm having issues with my mom still too.  I love her, she's my mom, so of course I do, but HOLY JEEZ she's driving me up a wall.  My cat that I'd had since before Mac was born died in part because she was lactose intolerant and my mother REFUSED to stop giving her milk.  She basically crapped her guts out until she just died.  There was no point in taking her to the vet either, because we knew what it was and my mom still refused to believe it.  She'd stop wi...

So in the wake of all the death and dismay I have a confession to make.  Those of you that know me in real life know that I'm a rather functional addict.  Some of you may not be aware to what extent. Many years ago I was in a car accident that not only shattered ALL of my teeth, it broke my c4 vertebrae.  At the time (being as vain as I am) I was more concerned with my teeth than my neck.  Fast forward a few years and I started having chronic pain.  Headaches so severe that I could not function.  I was able to get something called facet joint injections that managed that pain for many years but I got pregnant with my 6 year old and had to stop them. Before I stopped nursing  him (at 22 months old) I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy.  I am no longer able to get the injections so I have turned to opiates.  I started out about a year ago, shortly after the baby was born, on regular vicodin but it didn't even take the edge off so my pain man...