The myth of the perfect baby

Yeah, it's me again.  I do this sometimes, ya know, that thing where I actually give a shit about life and try to make a go of things?  So fuck what you heard it's what you hearin.  Yup, I'm quoting DMX.  What else to you expect the girl with the Deadpool tattoo to do? Damn I hate this shit though...I hate the not knowing.  But I do know this:  It always works out the way it's supposed to.  Always.  Today is a significant date for me, for Ronnie, for our family.  My whole world changed 12 years ago, and for the worse, for the better, forever.  I lost a baby 12 years ago today.  Not a miscarriage per se, but a premature stillbirth due to amniotic infection.  It's a long story, I think I've told the story before if you look back through the archives and I choose not to taint my happiness today with the hurt and heartache retelling it causes.  So I won't.  Needless to say,  he was lost, and it changes a person. ...

Well folks, I turned forty.  I was terribly unhappy for most of my birthday for mostly selfish reasons.  I never claimed to not know that I'm a selfish person, or to be some martyr that wants everyone else to just be happy for my birthday.  It was a pretty shitty day all around.  My family didn't forget me Sixteen Candles style again this year, and they have indeed done that to me.  For my 37th in fact.  What they did do was spent the day systematically making me feel like total shit in every facet of my being.  Not a damn thing I did or said was quite right and made someone mad.  I didn't get to go out to dinner like I had been promised for months before, I didn't get even one gift from anyone, anywhere with the exception of a spur of the moment drawing my daughter did because she felt bad for me.  I didn't even get to pick what we ate for dinner.  I know what you're probably thinking here.  Suck it the fuck up, you're a grown ass ...

First, I'm a beggar, and I'm going to ask everyone two things.  First, please go like the Facebook page for my blog here, chances are good you haven't because I've only got 25 likes on there so far.  You can find that here:  Facebook Page .  Also, what would everyone think if I did one of those indiegogo or kickstarter or another one of those donation deals to help me get a car or the one I already have fixed?  Obviously, I wouldn't EXPECT people to donate, because lets face it, most people have hard financial times, but I NEED A CAR REALLY BAD and I'm running out of time and options.  My health is declining and my children and I could really use transportation for me to get to doctors appointments and Memphis needs his teeth fixed before it affects his permanent teeth and I can't accomplish this without transportation.  So comment, email, whatever.  I might just set one up and see if anyone is willing to help me out because, frankly, I don't know...