Yeah, I know, I suck major balls...

I don't really. You can ask my husband and various and other assorted men throughout my life, but I don't suck them. I've been known to lick balls but yeah.  Anyway.  I have a lot of catching up to do. I know I do.  I don't know why exactly I didn't write in before now except that so much went on in the last year that I just didn't think most of it seemed plausible.  I know it seems like most of my blogs are fiction.  I wish they were, I really do.  But they're not.

In February everyone in my house got the flu.  We all had fevers of over 100, Memphis got so sick he didn't eat for 6 days.  We still didn't have a car and I couldn't find any way to the doctor until he had been that sick for more than a week.  By then, the doctor didn't even want to see him and basically said if he hadn't died and hadn't had a seizure he was probably going to pull through.  So we kept him hydrated and that was that.  While that was going on, my mom started acting more weird that usual.  She had gotten up one day and told my hubby she didn't know where her car was and he knew something was off.  She had a febrile seizure at the hospital and during the CT scan, it was discovered that she had previously had a TIA, a mini stroke.  

While she was in that hospital, she heard them say she'd had a stroke and decided that she was going to play paralyzed.  I say play, because it works a certain way.  Anyone that has google can figure this out.  If you're paralyzed, you're never able to move.  Not just able to move a when no one is looking.  Whenever she didn't see anyone glancing in, she would move her legs around or pick her nose or what have you.  They decided that we couldn't care for her at home in that state because she was so combative so they put her in a facility that has a short term rehab area and a long term care wing.  She was placed in short term care.  My daughter, keep in mind was still very pregnant.  Part of the reason we were not able to care for her at home at that time.  So time went on, and on, and on.  My daughter stayed pregnant well into her 41st week.  She ended up being induced and with a failed induction had a c section but that is another story.

Eventually, we got her brought back home.  But only after we had to jump through rings of fire because as it turns out, the care facility and the hospice company were doing everything they could to try to trick us into signing over her social security benefits.  They would do things like call at 3 am and tell us she needed medication to help her sleep and that my husband needed to come in and sign paperwork right then to make sure she could be medicated and at the end of the stack they'd slip in the page releasing her benefits to them.  Fortunately for us and for her, we never fell for that.  Fortunately.  But we did get her back home.  That was in April.  When she came home she was on what is called "comfort care".  A company called Los Angeles Hospice was in charge of her home care to compliment the hours my husband cares for her.  Notice none of this is in past tense.  Because even though I was told in February just to let her die, because it was cruel to prolong her "suffering" and to just let her die, she has yet to get any worse physically and in fact has gotten better and better as far as her body.  Her mind, maybe not so much, but let's be real here folks, she was pretty fucked up in the head to begin with.

It's been a journey that has been nothing but heartache.  I has been the most awful time I have ever had in my life.  Like I mentioned, she has physically gotten better.  The hospice nurses were basically no help anyway.  All they ever did was give her a sponge bath and treat us like we were stealing her meds, because ya know, when there's someone that wears dentures in the house and they're under 50 they MUST be a drug addict.  The fact of the matter is. MY drugs are by far stronger, more sedating, and I get more of them.  So no one is stealing her meds, I have my own, thanks.

In October, the hospice decided she wasn't dying fast enough and on a Thursday called us and said that they were discharging her from their care as of that coming Sunday.  We were left with no outside help to take care of her, no nursing care to help bathe her, and no doctor to write a prescription for her meds, so she was going to run out of literally everything she was on, and did.  Everything from her multi vitamin to her seizure meds to her pain med.  And they came and took most of her medical supplies to swap out for supplies from other companies.  That came with it's own host of problems.  Needless to say, it's been a huge ordeal.  But the reality of it is simple.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy to die in a place like she was in, why the fuck would I leave my mother there even if she is a total asshat?  The answer is easy, I wouldn't.

I know this is starting to run really long, and to be totally honest, I have so much more to say I could fill up another 50 pages and not be done, but that's what I get for not writing for a year right?  I'm going to do my very best not to keep doing that shit and waiting so long to post.  Unfortunately I made a horrible discovery and no longer have my blue tooth keyboard for my ipad because Memphis likes to ruin my shit, so I can't really write from anywhere but my laptop unless they are tiny short blogs, but I might write in a few of those.  But I will be writing more.  I think some of my depression is because I haven't been writing at all.  So that's what I'm sharing for today...and I'm going to share a short video of my silly silly grand baby doing her things.  I missed you guys.  I hope you missed me too!

Until next time...

Little miss Mavyn Lynn who isn't even 8 months old yet STANDING up on a bed, where there is almost no way to balance, but somehow, she's doing it!! (also, look at that crazy baby hair!)