Eventful. In More Ways Than One...

So life got twisted, turned and went upside down.  I'm what I never thought I'd be...a non custodial mother.  Legal issues aside, my younger kids are boys and boys need a father.  I cannot teach them to be a man in any way shape or form.  Anyone that "stays together for the kids" is stupid.  I was stupid for way too long. 

Now I'm away and I miss them like I never thought I could miss anything.  It's an overwhelming ache you can't understand unless you're a mother away from her children.  Men are designed to be away, we are not.  It hurts.  With a burning passionate hurt.  And I'm Gumping my way out of that...that's all I'm going to say about that.

I don't expect anyone to understand my choices, or agree with them.  I don't particularly care if they do.  I'm not struggling with them.  It's what we all needed.  I have things I need to heal from away from them and they have things they need to heal from away from me.  That's a harder thing to admit than you'd believe.

I still go to cannabis events.  I work at a rec an renewal dr's office with my daughter, and I love my job passionately.  I own my little edibles company still with a few steady clients and a few dispensaries carrying my stuff.  It's good.  Life is...well, it's life.  It moves on, it's eventful.  It makes me wonder what my purpose here is.  I don't get it yet, but I like that I can help people stay medicated.  There's always that.

Until next time...

J

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