The myth of the perfect baby

Fabulous Freddy and the Freak brothers taught me that cats get it on like people and everyone farts and sometimes it makes the sound "pruit". I'm freaking the fuck out folks.  I sold the house.  The first buyer flaked right on out and tucked tale but all is well with that because two things...I had more offers waiting, and his wasn't the highest offer.  Why didn't I take the high one first you ask (except I know you didn't)?  Because that fucker was going to rent me my own house for a month so I didn't have to move in a hurry. Now I have to move in a hurry.  Escrow was supposed to close tomorrow.  It's been uh...postponed.  Because I'm dumb and have no goddamned clue what in the sam hell I'm doing.  No really, I don't.  All while this is going on, my daughter's gallbladder almost exploded inside of her, someone took it upon themselves to call animal control who in turn called adult protective services and child protective services...

Yeah, the title is a little misleading I guess for the post. Especially to those waiting around for an honorable mention here.  Is that cryptic?  Maybe.  But it is what it is. I'm selling my house.  A house I never thought I'd have to sell, the place that was my constant growing up, the place that contains most of my happy childhood memories, the place I could always call home when my parents couldn't keep the rent paid and we had to move houses....again.  This place that has turned into a poisonous vat of unhappiness that is my life now.  This place that would have ripped a family any less in love with each other than my own apart.  This place that now also harbors so much resentment for what should have been that I've begun to hate the very existense of its cloying stench.  Is this dramatic?  Sure, but what am I if not a dramatic attention seeking person that requires people to feel sorry for what I don't have?  Oh.....wait, that's ano...

I don't really. You can ask my husband and various and other assorted men throughout my life, but I don't suck them. I've been known to lick balls but yeah.  Anyway.  I have a lot of catching up to do. I know I do.  I don't know why exactly I didn't write in before now except that so much went on in the last year that I just didn't think most of it seemed plausible.  I know it seems like most of my blogs are fiction.  I wish they were, I really do.  But they're not. In February everyone in my house got the flu.  We all had fevers of over 100, Memphis got so sick he didn't eat for 6 days.  We still didn't have a car and I couldn't find any way to the doctor until he had been that sick for more than a week.  By then, the doctor didn't even want to see him and basically said if he hadn't died and hadn't had a seizure he was probably going to pull through.  So we kept him hydrated and that was that.  While that was going on, my mom ...

So first, let me say I'm sorry I haven't been posting like I should be, I've had some health issues and well, my hands are less than cooperative.  My laptop seems to have taken a total shit, so I'm very lucky to have this to blog from and to talk to people, but I won't be going back to work any time soon unless a new laptop falls in my lap (and that's about as likely as me being struck by lightning I think) so my plan to pulll us out of our financial hole was great in theory, but not so much in practice.  So there that is. My Daughter's pregnancy is progressing well, she's been to see her dr and even gotten an ultrasound aready.  In a couple weeks, they will look again to see if we can tell the gender....she wants a boy pretty bad.  I hope it's just healthy.   My baby grandchild at 13weeks gestation 💜 Here is a link to the full ultrasound video (don't worry, it's short!) http://youtu.be/TeSuHiwosnY The father?  Well, he's been no help at...

Well folks, I turned forty.  I was terribly unhappy for most of my birthday for mostly selfish reasons.  I never claimed to not know that I'm a selfish person, or to be some martyr that wants everyone else to just be happy for my birthday.  It was a pretty shitty day all around.  My family didn't forget me Sixteen Candles style again this year, and they have indeed done that to me.  For my 37th in fact.  What they did do was spent the day systematically making me feel like total shit in every facet of my being.  Not a damn thing I did or said was quite right and made someone mad.  I didn't get to go out to dinner like I had been promised for months before, I didn't get even one gift from anyone, anywhere with the exception of a spur of the moment drawing my daughter did because she felt bad for me.  I didn't even get to pick what we ate for dinner.  I know what you're probably thinking here.  Suck it the fuck up, you're a grown ass ...

****This is a sponsored review, I did receive a full size sample of the product along with coupons to try more, I was compensated by the products but have not been monetarily compensated to write this blog, nor did the compensation alter my opinion in any way.  The opinions are strictly my own and are in no way a reflection of the site my blog is hosted by, or the site that provided the sample Smiley36.com***** Snuggle Scent Boosters Snuggle Scent Boosters are my new best friends.  They are the most amazing little bundles of joy that I am desperately in love with.  Offering full disclosure, I've only used the lavender joy variety of them, so I'm not sure if I'd love the other ones quite as much, but these babies are the best thing since fabric softener sheets.  I'm not big on liquid fabric softener mainly because it always seems to leave a spot of greasy residue on my clothes somewhere, so for the most part, I really do use sheets or none at all.  Sometime...

The confession will be something some of you already know, so don't get too excited yet, but it is pretty major for me to tell the people that don't.  I'll get to that in a bit.  First, the eavesdropping part of the title. I have a fondness for doing it myself, and I'm aware it's really rude.  I know that when I do it, the things that I hear about myself, I can't take too hard because the people saying them are not meaning for me to hear and that is why they are saying them to someone else and not to me.  Sometimes, I still take it pretty hard, but I try really hard not to.  That being said, we have a little issue with it here at Casa de Crazy.  Here, we have an over zealous eavesdropper that will listen to any and all conversation being had and will get vindictive and angry at people for having private conversations never meant for their ears.  I bet you can guess who I am talking about.  You would be right.  My mommy.  Goddess love...