The myth of the perfect baby

So uh...I didn't fall off the face of the planet or die.  I just had a whole lot of really weird (even for me) shit go on that I will probably eventually fill you in on.  For now, I just wanted to say hello to whoever keeps peekin their little heads in here and let you all know that I'm ok. Maybe better than ok really.  Life got shitty for a while.  And I got fired in March from a job at one time I really loved but long story short, it became a horrible place to go and be cyber-terrorized by the person I worked for and the bitches he was fucking in the other offices.  But I still do the same thing I did before only better.  With the exception of some really strange continuous cyber-stalking on the ex company's part.  Goes to show though how bored some folks are that I'M the one they'd be interested in. My kids are huge.  My grandkids (now plural) are big too.  I'm amazed at how blessed I am for how shitty a person I've been.  But I a...

So life got twisted, turned and went upside down.  I'm what I never thought I'd be...a non custodial mother.  Legal issues aside, my younger kids are boys and boys need a father.  I cannot teach them to be a man in any way shape or form.  Anyone that "stays together for the kids" is stupid.  I was stupid for way too long.  Now I'm away and I miss them like I never thought I could miss anything.  It's an overwhelming ache you can't understand unless you're a mother away from her children.  Men are designed to be away, we are not.  It hurts.  With a burning passionate hurt.  And I'm Gumping my way out of that...that's all I'm going to say about that. I don't expect anyone to understand my choices, or agree with them.  I don't particularly care if they do.  I'm not struggling with them.  It's what we all needed.  I have things I need to heal from away from them and they have things they need to heal from away fr...

So evidently there is some misconception that social media is real life for some people.  And some of the old people in my life see every post as an accurate reflection of my life, so I figured I'd add a little post and update the world on what's going on with me.  A lot has changed in my world.  But lets face it, those of us in stagnant ponds with few changes throughout time are the ones that never have much to talk about but others (and those that smell like shit too to be honest).  My water is far from stagnant, but it seems my name crosses a lot of lips.  I sometimes wonder why that is, but at the same time...I don't think I care.  If there are people so bored with their own existence that they are concerning themselves with mine?  Well, I should be flattered I suppose. I started a cannabis infused product business  a while back and a shop in a town next to mine (the closest city with legal dispensaries) is carrying my products and many mo...

I know, sometimes my titles make no sense to the average person.  I'm pretty sure any of you that have been here more than once have discovered I'm not the average person.  Here again is your friendly warning that you clicked yourself in here, if you're offended you're welcome to leave.  You're also welcome not to return.  You're also welcome to know I give zero fucks if I offend most people.  So continue at your own risk. Ever hear some rumors about yourself and they make no sense?  Or have a mean girls moment and walk into a room and everyone shuts up?  Or overhear a conversation about yourself and know damn well it's not true?  Well, I have that happen a lot.  It's ok, I'm pretty secure in who and what I am.  You don't get to be where I am in life and not be.  The funny thing is, the imagination some people have is astounding.  And I'm not anywhere near sure how I would be at all interesting enough to be a topic of gossip ...

Except it's not really work when you find people you enjoy being with right?  So let me tell you what's going on in my world.  And here again is your friendly reminder that you clicked in here, you picked to be here so anything in this lil ole blog of mine that offends your delicate sensibilities?  Well, I don't particularly give a fuck and you can go cry somewhere else.  Moving on. My life in a nutshell has been pretty cool.  With the exception of the hiccup a little while back and yeah, it was kind of a big hiccup I admit, things are better right now than they have been in a long long time.  My new work environment has a lot to do with that.  Yep, it's actual work people.  Someone really truly paid money for pictures of me.  Surprising I know.  But when you have someone that's really good at taking the pics and editing them, I guess it doesn't matter how many flaws you have or how fucked up you are in reality.  All that really m...

Yeah, it's me again.  I do this sometimes, ya know, that thing where I actually give a shit about life and try to make a go of things?  So fuck what you heard it's what you hearin.  Yup, I'm quoting DMX.  What else to you expect the girl with the Deadpool tattoo to do? Damn I hate this shit though...I hate the not knowing.  But I do know this:  It always works out the way it's supposed to.  Always.  Today is a significant date for me, for Ronnie, for our family.  My whole world changed 12 years ago, and for the worse, for the better, forever.  I lost a baby 12 years ago today.  Not a miscarriage per se, but a premature stillbirth due to amniotic infection.  It's a long story, I think I've told the story before if you look back through the archives and I choose not to taint my happiness today with the hurt and heartache retelling it causes.  So I won't.  Needless to say,  he was lost, and it changes a person. ...

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