The myth of the perfect baby

 So I know it's super sporadic that I write in this blog. I'm going to change that.  Notice I didn't say *try* to change it? I'm just going to.   I can absolutely make at least 10 minutes every few days or maybe even every day to write a few words.  Or more, I don't know lol. What makes me so sure?  Well, I'm just getting over covid for the what seems like billionth time, and I spent a lot of time on TikTok.  Some good, some dramatic and weird. (think pink sauce, spicy bowls and Dre McCray) and some pretty inspiring.  I wish so much that I could remember the creator's name, and I will desperately try to put a link to their page in if and when I do, but one in particular stuck.  I actually promised to write here at least once a week.  I'm also pretty sure we'll be adding some blog posts over on the shop site that'll include some recipes.  In case you don't have the link handy that's  Juni's Creations  and you'll be able to find ...

 A long time ago in a land far far away I was an unruly teenager terrorizing the Antelope Valley.  I worked two jobs to support myself and my habits and no kids because I didn't want them.  I don't particularly like children.  I babysat as a kid, because didn't we all back then? But I didn't even like myself as a kid, let alone want to make more people like me.  Then one day I woke up doubled over in pain and my gallbladder was full of stones and I ended up needing emergency surgery to remove it.  When they went in there, they took my appendix out too because it's just something they did in the early nineties.  When they did that they accidentally or on purpose severed the Fallopian tube on their way down.  They explained due to the scar tissue and adhesions they saw on my left ovary and tube in other procedures they said I would never have kids. They were wrong. Six weeks later I conceived my daughter.  I didn't figure that out for quite som...

 So, I get that I have some curious onlookers in my life.  I understand that.  What never occurred to me is that you'd stumble upon this little gem of my world and be able to read so much of my past.  You may think I'm upset by this.  Or maybe ashamed.  Perhaps even worried you may do something with that information.   You'd be wrong.  This blog has existed since my world was full of real life monsters that I called family.  I'm sure you've learned that by now.  And discovered more truths than lies in my tales.  I really have lived the life I tell.  I really have done all the things I said I have.  And I've documented it along the way.  I may have stopped writing here for bits and pieces when I got busy.  And I may have been very closed mouth about my cannabis usage and production way back when because I had no license.  But I am exactly who I say I am. So it comes to a point where I realize that I have tool...

 It's been quite a little bit since I've really had time to sit down and write. Or, really since I've had the energy and hand strength to write and work in the same day and we don't really take very many days off here.  When we do it's kind of forced by health vs anything else.  We've been really blessed to be busy so far this year. My darling husband is on another round of gout right now, and I've got some new toys to play with including a commercial cotton candy machine that's taken over my kitchen and I absolutely love her.  I should hold a contest somewhere to name it.  Presently I'm actually on a Facebook ban so I'm not even able to post there lol.  I may be able to do it on another one though.   Anyway, this was really just a quick check in, to say hi, and let everyone know that I'm still here, and I see y'all checking in...if you need me, you know where to find me ;) Until Next Time... J

   So wow, I'm writing again all of a sudden, what's with that?  Sometimes I'm completely predictable, and then again, sometimes I shock the hell out of even myself.  I'm not sure what compels me to share the things I do so openly, but at this point in my life, I kind of feel like there are people that could learn from the dumb shit I've done.     I was reading back through some of the older posts on here, remembering who I was then, where I was, and what I was going through.  I come off like such a miserable person in so much of it.  I really wasn't.  I just didn't have anyone to talk to and didn't know how to express myself any better than I did.  I don't truly know if I've learned from it, I just have someone to talk to now.  Someones...plural...I actually have a female friend that hasn't gone running for the hills or decided they don't like me anymore because I can't do enough for them (that's a reference to some really old po...

 It's been a long time since I've been here, doing this.  This thing I used to do and cherish so very much.  My priorities changed, my life changed, the world changed, everything and everyone changed.  And that's ok.  I don't know where to really begin with this, but I'm betting it'll be a long one, so if you're here, reading this, settle in for a long post.  With a lot of run on sentences and grammar errors because when I get to typing I really don't pay as much attention as I should, and I don't proofread these as much as I used to.  My time is more valuable to me than it used to be.   A long time a go a whole lot of doctors told me I was really sick...so sick I was going to die but not QUITE sick enough to qualify for any help of any kind. So I had myself pretty depressed for a while.  I realize now that ir was mostly self induced.  Some of it was situational, but most of it was because I do a great job of convincing myself the worst ...

 Ok so, I dunno how you got here but if you're here reading this hi.  I'm Juni and you may have found me from another social media or you may have just wandered in.  Regardless, this post is going to ramble so settle in... October is a shitty month for me in general usually, mentally.  It's my "I lost my babies" month.  The birthday of my stillborn son, the anniversary of my losses and generally a shitty month.  But I do love Halloween because I'm Pagan as fuck.  So I'll kick off November and be all good.  This November I was fucking around on TikTok and posted a video that went viral.  Then my little company got so many orders so fast I didn't know it was even possible.  The faster I made gummies the faster they sold.   And the more videos I posted the more followers I got and in a week I went from 2,400 to roughly 16.5k. And counting I hope.  For a long time I didn't post here.  I felt like what I had to say wasn't ...

I don't even know where to begin today.  My life is so much different than it had ever been in any of my previous posts.  In part because the whole world is in crisis mode right now, and in part because my whole world changed but it was given back too.  Let me explain... Way back in July of 2017 I was cheating on my husband and he got drunk and kicked me out *rightly so I absolutely think he should have*.  I moved in with that man and proceeded to have the strangest 2 years of my life until he up and left with almost no warning on May 31 2019 and I had no choice but to be homeless or move back in with my still legal husband and kids and my adult daughter and her kids.  So guess where I live now?  With my legal husband and my kids and my adult daughter, her fiance and her kids. I say my legal husband because we didn't get back together when I moved back in, we just are best friends now.  And I can honestly say I will be extremely jealous when he finds...

So uh...I didn't fall off the face of the planet or die.  I just had a whole lot of really weird (even for me) shit go on that I will probably eventually fill you in on.  For now, I just wanted to say hello to whoever keeps peekin their little heads in here and let you all know that I'm ok. Maybe better than ok really.  Life got shitty for a while.  And I got fired in March from a job at one time I really loved but long story short, it became a horrible place to go and be cyber-terrorized by the person I worked for and the bitches he was fucking in the other offices.  But I still do the same thing I did before only better.  With the exception of some really strange continuous cyber-stalking on the ex company's part.  Goes to show though how bored some folks are that I'M the one they'd be interested in. My kids are huge.  My grandkids (now plural) are big too.  I'm amazed at how blessed I am for how shitty a person I've been.  But I a...

So life got twisted, turned and went upside down.  I'm what I never thought I'd be...a non custodial mother.  Legal issues aside, my younger kids are boys and boys need a father.  I cannot teach them to be a man in any way shape or form.  Anyone that "stays together for the kids" is stupid.  I was stupid for way too long.  Now I'm away and I miss them like I never thought I could miss anything.  It's an overwhelming ache you can't understand unless you're a mother away from her children.  Men are designed to be away, we are not.  It hurts.  With a burning passionate hurt.  And I'm Gumping my way out of that...that's all I'm going to say about that. I don't expect anyone to understand my choices, or agree with them.  I don't particularly care if they do.  I'm not struggling with them.  It's what we all needed.  I have things I need to heal from away from them and they have things they need to heal from away fr...

So evidently there is some misconception that social media is real life for some people.  And some of the old people in my life see every post as an accurate reflection of my life, so I figured I'd add a little post and update the world on what's going on with me.  A lot has changed in my world.  But lets face it, those of us in stagnant ponds with few changes throughout time are the ones that never have much to talk about but others (and those that smell like shit too to be honest).  My water is far from stagnant, but it seems my name crosses a lot of lips.  I sometimes wonder why that is, but at the same time...I don't think I care.  If there are people so bored with their own existence that they are concerning themselves with mine?  Well, I should be flattered I suppose. I started a cannabis infused product business  a while back and a shop in a town next to mine (the closest city with legal dispensaries) is carrying my products and many mo...

I know, sometimes my titles make no sense to the average person.  I'm pretty sure any of you that have been here more than once have discovered I'm not the average person.  Here again is your friendly warning that you clicked yourself in here, if you're offended you're welcome to leave.  You're also welcome not to return.  You're also welcome to know I give zero fucks if I offend most people.  So continue at your own risk. Ever hear some rumors about yourself and they make no sense?  Or have a mean girls moment and walk into a room and everyone shuts up?  Or overhear a conversation about yourself and know damn well it's not true?  Well, I have that happen a lot.  It's ok, I'm pretty secure in who and what I am.  You don't get to be where I am in life and not be.  The funny thing is, the imagination some people have is astounding.  And I'm not anywhere near sure how I would be at all interesting enough to be a topic of gossip ...

Except it's not really work when you find people you enjoy being with right?  So let me tell you what's going on in my world.  And here again is your friendly reminder that you clicked in here, you picked to be here so anything in this lil ole blog of mine that offends your delicate sensibilities?  Well, I don't particularly give a fuck and you can go cry somewhere else.  Moving on. My life in a nutshell has been pretty cool.  With the exception of the hiccup a little while back and yeah, it was kind of a big hiccup I admit, things are better right now than they have been in a long long time.  My new work environment has a lot to do with that.  Yep, it's actual work people.  Someone really truly paid money for pictures of me.  Surprising I know.  But when you have someone that's really good at taking the pics and editing them, I guess it doesn't matter how many flaws you have or how fucked up you are in reality.  All that really m...

Yeah, it's me again.  I do this sometimes, ya know, that thing where I actually give a shit about life and try to make a go of things?  So fuck what you heard it's what you hearin.  Yup, I'm quoting DMX.  What else to you expect the girl with the Deadpool tattoo to do? Damn I hate this shit though...I hate the not knowing.  But I do know this:  It always works out the way it's supposed to.  Always.  Today is a significant date for me, for Ronnie, for our family.  My whole world changed 12 years ago, and for the worse, for the better, forever.  I lost a baby 12 years ago today.  Not a miscarriage per se, but a premature stillbirth due to amniotic infection.  It's a long story, I think I've told the story before if you look back through the archives and I choose not to taint my happiness today with the hurt and heartache retelling it causes.  So I won't.  Needless to say,  he was lost, and it changes a person. ...

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So...when you move on from something and no longer care you don't click into a link to see what you can see.  I get email all the time that I never check, never click the links, never check to see what the blog said because I truly don't care.  When you click this link to get here (which you'll have to do to see it) you make yourself a choice to be here.  You make yourself a choice to show that you've been because again, the internet is a truly mysterious gadget for some people, but when you have a monetized blog it records individualized clicks.  So when you come in from the same say...samsung phone over and over again, blogger tells me.  Or when you're coming in from another android device.  Or ios.  When I get curious enough, I can check the IP addresses too.  And I can see if it's the same person reading the same post over and over (or um...showing everyone they can think of because they got mentioned by name and wowie how special are you that...

Yeah, I'm actually writing a post.  I know, I must have some time on my hands or something to complain about or something.  Well I have none of the first and a whole fucking lot of the second.  This is where I will do two things, first, remind you that you clicked to come here and made a choice to be here so if you're reading it and you get offended or butthurt because of something I'm saying it's your own fucking fault ya goddamed baby and second, it's my fucking blog if I want to use it to bitch the next person that accuses me of being attention seeking is going to get cunt kicked.  Yeah bitch that clicked just to see if it was about you....I do mean you and your puss baby and her cohorts that wanna talk shit.  Bring it the fuck on, I'm healthy now.  You know where I'm at, come the fuck on. Just make sure you bring it big twatsicle because I'll make sure all my shit's loaded and ready. Now that I've gotten that out of the way yes, I have aggr...

Maybe literally, depending on who or what I may be grinding on lol.  So I know it's been a really long time.  It's been busy, hectic, every adjective you can imagine to put in there for I can't handle all the shit life has thrown at me.  Obviously I sold the house and moved months ago.  Like almost half a year now.  And as much as I love my new place and am glad to be away from the poison that was my old dwelling, this house is no more affordable and is not being kept any cleaner.  That's what happens when you live in a world that no one thinks they have to work or clean up after themselves or their child/ren. My granddaughter is over a year old now.  My baby is going to be five in just a few short weeks and my mother is still here.  Lingering like the shit demon she has become.  I would love to put her in a nursing home and people ask us ALL THE TIME why we haven't done that yet.  We are trying to.  Desperately.  But no one ...

Fabulous Freddy and the Freak brothers taught me that cats get it on like people and everyone farts and sometimes it makes the sound "pruit". I'm freaking the fuck out folks.  I sold the house.  The first buyer flaked right on out and tucked tale but all is well with that because two things...I had more offers waiting, and his wasn't the highest offer.  Why didn't I take the high one first you ask (except I know you didn't)?  Because that fucker was going to rent me my own house for a month so I didn't have to move in a hurry. Now I have to move in a hurry.  Escrow was supposed to close tomorrow.  It's been uh...postponed.  Because I'm dumb and have no goddamned clue what in the sam hell I'm doing.  No really, I don't.  All while this is going on, my daughter's gallbladder almost exploded inside of her, someone took it upon themselves to call animal control who in turn called adult protective services and child protective services...

Yeah, the title is a little misleading I guess for the post. Especially to those waiting around for an honorable mention here.  Is that cryptic?  Maybe.  But it is what it is. I'm selling my house.  A house I never thought I'd have to sell, the place that was my constant growing up, the place that contains most of my happy childhood memories, the place I could always call home when my parents couldn't keep the rent paid and we had to move houses....again.  This place that has turned into a poisonous vat of unhappiness that is my life now.  This place that would have ripped a family any less in love with each other than my own apart.  This place that now also harbors so much resentment for what should have been that I've begun to hate the very existense of its cloying stench.  Is this dramatic?  Sure, but what am I if not a dramatic attention seeking person that requires people to feel sorry for what I don't have?  Oh.....wait, that's ano...