Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Eventful. In More Ways Than One...

So life got twisted, turned and went upside down.  I'm what I never thought I'd be...a non custodial mother.  Legal issues aside, my younger kids are boys and boys need a father.  I cannot teach them to be a man in any way shape or form.  Anyone that "stays together for the kids" is stupid.  I was stupid for way too long. 

Now I'm away and I miss them like I never thought I could miss anything.  It's an overwhelming ache you can't understand unless you're a mother away from her children.  Men are designed to be away, we are not.  It hurts.  With a burning passionate hurt.  And I'm Gumping my way out of that...that's all I'm going to say about that.

I don't expect anyone to understand my choices, or agree with them.  I don't particularly care if they do.  I'm not struggling with them.  It's what we all needed.  I have things I need to heal from away from them and they have things they need to heal from away from me.  That's a harder thing to admit than you'd believe.

I still go to cannabis events.  I work at a rec an renewal dr's office with my daughter, and I love my job passionately.  I own my little edibles company still with a few steady clients and a few dispensaries carrying my stuff.  It's good.  Life is...well, it's life.  It moves on, it's eventful.  It makes me wonder what my purpose here is.  I don't get it yet, but I like that I can help people stay medicated.  There's always that.

Until next time...

J

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Because No One Has Yet To Ask...

So evidently there is some misconception that social media is real life for some people.  And some of the old people in my life see every post as an accurate reflection of my life, so I figured I'd add a little post and update the world on what's going on with me. 

A lot has changed in my world.  But lets face it, those of us in stagnant ponds with few changes throughout time are the ones that never have much to talk about but others (and those that smell like shit too to be honest).  My water is far from stagnant, but it seems my name crosses a lot of lips.  I sometimes wonder why that is, but at the same time...I don't think I care.  If there are people so bored with their own existence that they are concerning themselves with mine?  Well, I should be flattered I suppose.

I started a cannabis infused product business  a while back and a shop in a town next to mine (the closest city with legal dispensaries) is carrying my products and many more are interested in them.  I took a break from modeling due to a lack of photographer that wasn't an asshole stealing pics and money from me (uh, like the last one who I STILL have clients from contacting me to do the jobs he was paid in advance for that I never saw a penny of but I'm being held accountable for).  I'm getting divorced because of a variety of reasons but a big one is the dude just couldn't ever own up to his part of the responsibility for ANY DAMN THING. And he kicked me out of my home because I'm a dipshit and allowed it so I can't hug my babies every day. But I also have a kick ass job at a place I love.  I have a new man in my life that treats me like a queen.  Like...maybe I should have been all along.

Life is a funny thing isn't it?  I'm ready to just keep moving forward and not have all the drama and negativity some of the past has brought me.  I've got some really amazing people to work with, to be around and to help me.  In the midst of all the things I can't control that make me feel shitty, I know I'm beyond blessed.  And I'm thankful.

Until next time...
J