Monday, June 18, 2012

Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all...

I didn't realize how much I'm like my mother until today.  After spending all day every day with her over the last week I have caught myself using her facial expressions, her mannerisms and even my voice sounds like her.  I don't understand how it happened!  One day I was me, the next I'm morphing into her. 

I've also realized I'm in the anger stage of grief with my grandmother.  Now, keep in mind I never finished grieving my step dad, who I didn't get along with the last few years but I know he loved me the best way he could.  In the process of cleaning out his room and the other areas of the house I've found countless items I know were meant for me.  Quite a few meant for my kids as well.  I really think that he was so angry at me getting pregnant with Memphis because he was scared they'd lose me and he loved me too much.  In the depths of this house I've found treasures for all of us except him.  Even R has found a few things we know were meant for him.  It's strange to see that he really was crazy and it wasn't just an act.  I understand more now than I ever did before.  And I loved him.  I didn't like him much most of the time but I loved him.  I got two sets of parents, and now I'm back down to just my mom and my dad, the steps are gone.  For that I am sad.

Back to my anger, I want to slap my grandma for leaving my mom in this mess.  For all the years my mom paid the mortgage while my grandma paid the utilities here, she was never allowed to make this her house.  Here I am now making it mine.  When did it ever get to be hers?  Never, that's when.  To go along with that, one of the favorite pieces of furniture is being requested by my uncle.  The only times he calls are about that fucking china hutch.  It's full of MY MOM'S things and mine and he thought he got it all.  My great grandmother's tea pots and jewelry that's been given to me over the years but I didn't take home.  None the less, it's hard to realize how much my mom is giving up to not be alone.  I'm doing my best to keep it her house too and I hope I succeed in that. 

I've discovered that our tastes are very similar in movies too because when we started unpacking the dvds there are tons of duplicates!  I'm not talking 2 or 3, I'm talking like 25 or so.  I also know where I got my weird mail hoarding thing, I never throw mail away.  There are tons of bags of mail between the two of us, and then add my grandma's 40 years of shit too and we're up to our eyeballs in crap we don't need.

Side note, I took the Phiz man in the pool for the first time today.  The water was a little cold for my liking but he didn't stay in long so I think it was ok.  Our big Bear dog loves to swim and jumps in with the kids all the time so I had to keep her in, but it was fun.  I'm going to get some pics of that as soon as I can.  All in all it's been a good week here, and my mom is way less irritating than I thought she'd be.  Don't get me wrong, I love the shit outta her, but she's a bit eccentric and hard to keep up with sometimes.  But it's been good.  I love it here.  There are so many memories that make me feel happy that it cancels out the bad.  I'll get it in shape with the help of my wonderful family.  I love them more than I can explain. 

Until next time...
J

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Moving sucks dicks...

It really does.  I hate it, I really do.  It's a horrible thing for sure.  It's even worse when you're not moving into an empty house.  This house was packed full of shit for the last 40 years and it's been hell getting it out of here.  I'm glad I married a saint when it comes to putting up with my family!

We've been going through so much shit here and trying to move at the same time and wouldn't you know it?  My van broke down.  We just paid the fucking thing off and it's broken down.  I don't even know for sure what's wrong with it, but the possibilities are all out of my realm of being fixed for I don't know how long.  Yay :\ So I doubt I'll have my van back for a while.  It's a really good thing my mom has a car!  It's a piece of shit and it's small, but it'll get me to the doctor.

Well, the baby is up from his nap, and I'm off to go be the boobs of the family again, until next time...
J

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I love my Lady...

Well, I got my dog back :)  I had to drive 45 miles away to Mojave to get her, but she's home.  The little prick that had her started to get a little rude to my old man, but he just glared at him and the boy shut up.  She about ran off from the people as soon as she saw me though and came bounding up to me to lick my face.  When we got back home, it was evident that Bear had missed her terribly and they had to go outside and play for half an hour or so.  I'm glad to have my doggy back and it'll be a long time before I have faith in people to be honest.  I'm still not sure what they were thinking or why they begged me for her back only to try to rid themselves of her.  She's a very good dog (with the exception of the cat shit eating habit she has) and I will be forever grateful to my hubby that he got her back for me.

 Here she is as my feet in her spot on the ottoman...happy to be home!

I'm still moving, or should I say I'm still watching the baby while R gets my mom's house ready for us to be there. SO MUCH STUFF!!  I don't have any clue why my grandma saved the shit she did, or why my step dad bought all the things he did, but it's making for more work than we realized at first.  Fortunately, we're almost to the point of moving the beds over there and I will be thrilled shitless to wake up and have a cup of coffee with my mommy.

When I got sick, I layed in my hospital bed with her at my side and she promised me that we would be old ladies together and watch the world from our front porch.  When she got sick, I sat by her hospital bed and reminded her of that promise.  Neither one of us thought it would actually happen, but here we are, days away from it.  My mommy is my best friend.  I know that's pathetic to admit, but it's the truth.  My only female friend that's not related to me lives in Indiana, and it's hard for me to meet people with my agoraphobia issues.  My other best friend was married to my brother before he died and she's got her own kids and I'm not a very good friend to her for as good as she is to me, but she's always there for me when I need her.  But my mom...well, she knows me better than I know myself, and I missed a lot of years with her, but we're making up for it now.  I will treasure every moment we get to be together before it's her time or mine.

I have to be less morbid now, lol.  There is enough fabric and sewing stuff to start a craft store over there, so I'll be doing quite a few projects soon.  Maybe I'll actually get pictures of them to add here!  For now I'm going to close and go do some cleaning/packing!  Until next time...
J

Monday, June 4, 2012

Thinning the herd...

Well, in the midst of moving I decided the number of pets we have is too many.  In an attempt to remedy this situation, I relieved myself of the cat that shits on my pillows, I think I've found a home for the rats (providing the people actually show up this afternoon) and my black pit bull mix went back to the people we got her from. 

I love that dog.  She's an amazing dog, she loves my baby, loves me, follows me everywhere.  On Saturday, the people emailed me telling me that they missed her, and thought they made a mistake 6 months ago when they gave her to me.  We talked about it and since I haven't gotten her fixed or anything, we decided that maybe she'd be better off with them. 

So imagine my dismay when I was browsing through Craigslist and found an ad for her.  They decided they weren't going to keep her and rather than offer her back to me, they just put an ad there and I guess thought I'd never know.  I'm not a horrible pet owner.  Yes, I love them all, even the rodents.  I've never been really good about getting animals their shots even when I had a ton of money, but I figured since no one ever goes out of my yard they'd be safe.  I guess that made me seem like such a bad owner to these people that they'd rather she go  to the pound than come back to me. 

Well, I find that unacceptable.  I emailed them, and I'm trying to get her back.  If I had known this was going to happen, I'd never have given her back to them.  I'm pissed about it, but I don't know what to do.  I'm so upset by the whole thing!!!  I will keep everyone posted on that issue.

The raven has flown off to be a raven, and I know I said I was doing mamatography, but I fucking suck and I haven't gotten my shit together to do that  yet.  Moving sucks!  I just keep in mind this is the last time I have to move and I'm fine though.

The house is shaping up, and we'll get it done soon and be over there, it's gonna be great.  My kids are getting excited by this and they've already gone swimming to break in the pool for the summer.  Pretty cool I can teach phiz to swim in the pool I learned in 35 years ago.  That place is so full of memories for me, and so many good ones at that.

I'd like to ask the few of you that read to leave me a comment, tell me your best and worst moving stories :)

Until next time...
J