Monday, April 30, 2012

Boys smell bad!!

Well, as much as it may embarrass him I have to admit that teenage boys STINK.  Like I don't even know how he stands himself.  The fucker is the hairiest kid I've ever seen since my brother was that age.  He is such a great guy that it's hard for me to find faults beyond the average teenage boy crap.  So my plan of attack is this...I'm going to make him some all natural deodorant that he can apply um, well, other places than just his armpits, since I'm pretty sure it's not just his armpits that stink.  Since I don't have much else to talk about today (bad pain day again :( )  I thought I'd share the recipe and when he's tried it for a few days, I'll post our "results" lol.

1/8 cup baking soda
1/8 cup cornstarch
2-3 tablespoons coconut oil
3-5 drops essential oil of your choice (I have lavender on hand so we'll use that)

melt the coconut oil and mix together all ingredients.  you can use an old stick deodorant container to apply but I've read that the gel kind of applicator works best.

Until next time....

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Adventures in cloth diapering...

  When I was pregnant with mr peanuts, I had every intention of exclusively cloth diapering the little fella.  So I ordered a "starter set" of pre folds and figured after the meconium stage was over I'd make the switch.  Well, I'd been gifted a shit ton of newborn pampers so I had to use those up.

  Along about the time he was 8 weeks or so we were finally out of pampers so I got out the cloth to prep and prepped away.  I thought I knew what I was doing, I really did.  I was wrong.  From the get go I was unhappy with my choice, and more importantly HE was unhappy.  He almost immediately got a red butt because he pees about every 10 seconds and was ALWAYS wet.

  I had only gotten 2 dozen so after the first day I realized diapering a newborn in cloth very well may not be cost efficient in Los Angeles county with the cost of water.  Anyway, moving on.  They were so fucking bulky, the poor kid couldn't close his legs at all and it rubbed his umbilical hernia so much it got a little sore on it.

  So being that we had used up our disposables I had to have R run up to the store to pick up a pack.  I thought I'd failed.  I decided to say screw it and just use the pre folds for burp rags.  Mr peanuts has a nasty case of reflux and a bad habit of puking through the whole 2 dozen every other day or so.

  At tax return time I found a great deal on an off brand of pocket diapers with 2 inserts each and got 10.  I was rather excited when they got here and soon realized I didn't have to do the 5 wash prep for the micro fiber inserts and we started to cloth diaper.  The os pockets are fantastic, the only problem I ever have with them is that he's a heavy wetter and leaks at night.  So at night he wears a disposable.  Other than that I love them.  It never fails though, the instant I put the dipes in to wash he shits.  This kid only shits like twice a week but it never fails!!!  I know now if he's constipated to do wash lol.  I found a great deal on disposables last week and I've been very lazy the last few days but what do you know, the INSTANT I put him in cloth he shits!

Until next time....

Sunday, April 22, 2012

If it ain't one thing it's another...

  Well, if you've read this far, not only will I say a big THANK YOU, but you probably know I'm a weirdo.  I'm also unhealthier than the average bear.  I'm having a bad day, and stress exacerbates any symptoms I have and frankly, I have a shit ton of stress lately (go figure).

  Mr peanuts happens to be still teething, trying to cut that second bottom tooth out AND he's decided that baby jail is a no go for him.  He won't stay in a crib/playyard or walker/bouncer for more than about 10 minutes before he freaks out.  I'm not one for the whole cry it out deal, so when I  hear him cry I freak out too. 

  I'm down to my last pain pill and I hurt :( Lol I figure I can feel sorry for myself a little, I've had a bad week.  I'm still trying to recover from the fight I had with my damn near adult daughter over the stupid cat that shit on my bed...again.  Yes, you read that right, again.  Damn thing's done it twice before and normally I don't let them into my bedroom but it was hot here and I left it open for a while and what do you know, the fucker did it again.  So, that's where I'm at today.
 On a side note, I really do want to do the whole mamatography thing but so far, I haven't heard back from the person that is in charge of that so I may just kinda wing it and do it on my own.  Perhaps you can look forward to seeing that, I dunno. 

Until next time...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

The loss is my own...

  Well, it's another day, and really I wish that I could turn back the clock a bit.  My grandmother passed away on Weds, and I'm still in shock.  That situation was very strange, I don't even know where to begin. 

  My mom and step father had a very rocky marriage for the most part.  He dealt with some pretty major mental illness and my mom did the best she could but there were times he was off his meds and they could not be together.

   One of those times about 10 or so years ago, she moved in with my Gram.  The house has been owned by my Gram since it was built in '62 so it's where my mom finished growing up.  My Gram could afford to live alone, but in the area we live, my mom couldn't find anything she could afford on her own so she moved in there. 

  Anyhoo...eventually, they got back together and she moved her husband in with them.  So it's my Gram's house, but my mom and step dad lived there as kind of like room mates.  My step dad died new year's eve in the bathroom upstairs.  So it was a horrible thing for my poor mom to deal with.  

  A few months ago, maybe a month after he passed, my Gram fell and broke her tailbone and eventually ended up in a short term care facility before she went back home.  While there, they diagnosed her with severe dementia (which was total news to us cuz she acted totally normal to us and we saw her all the time!) and when she got back home she was so doped up she was incontinent. 

  My almost 16 year old son took weeks out of school to help my mom care for her.  My mom is not at all well herself and should have hired someone to come in but hadn't quite gotten there yet.  I didn't think she'd die.  I didn't think my son would be the last person to care for her besides my mom.  I didn't get to say goodbye.  I never will.  My son is an amazing boy.  I take that back, an amazing MAN.  I don't have any clue what I'd do without him.  Right now, he's at my mom's helping her stay sane, helping make sure she eats, and helping find the will and life insurance paperwork.

   I can't even imagine what he's feeling right now because I can't get past what I'M feeling.  I can't imagine my life without her and I know that seems stupid, ppl lose grandparents all the time.  This lady was my rock though.  So now we're faced with the probability that we'll have to move there so my mom won't lose the house.  I think that's what I want though.  I don't like my house.  I don't like the neighborhood.  I hate that I rent and I know that my best chance of being a home owner is to move there because when my mom passes on it'll become mine so long as she still has it.  I know that makes me selfish, I do.  I hate myself for it.  I think, for today I'm going to close because I have to be honest it's too much for me and I need to go bury myself in something mindless.  Until next time...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

A bump in the road...

  After Memphis was born, I was tired all the time.  I couldn't get a handle on it at all.  I really figured it was just new born lack of sleep and nursing and all that good shit.  Well, it wasn't.  Around the middle of September or so I went in for my post partum echo (ultrasound of my heart to determine function). 

  The results were absolutely the opposite of what everyone had hoped.  I'd made it through the pregnancy just fine, but the stress of the delivery and recovery was too much for my body to handle.  I was in end stage heart failure with and ejection fraction of less than 20%.  I could not walk to the bathroom without being out of breath, but I had honestly thought I was just tired.

    Never even crossed my mind that my ticker had gone so bad because I didn't feel much worse than I had at the start of my cardiac issues.  I needed a bi vent pacemaker put in.  I'll let you google that shit here because to explain that whole deal is just more than I can type right now (while mr peanuts tries to eat the dvds).  The bi vent is a stop gap measure to keep me off the transplant list.  I know that one day I will either die or need a transplant, but I did not expect that this soon.

    I got the bi vent put in in the end of October, but the weeks prior were hell.  I had a steady and sharp decline.  I could not think, I could not function, hell, I didn't even shower more than once a week.  All I did was feel sorry for myself and try to take care of the baby.  It was rough.  My cardio really wanted me to stop nursing.  It was putting such a strain on my body that she was afraid it was going to kill me before the insurance ok'd my surgery.  I tried, but I was heart broken at the thought.

   It was out of my control though, because mr peanuts decided that he was not going for it.  We couldn't find a formula that he would even drink, and the one he finally did he couldn't keep down.  I posted an ad on facebook's page humanmilk4humanbabies and was so very lucky to find someone able to donate enough milk to get us through my hospital admission (less than 24 hours total).  She's an amazing lady with an amazing family.  Without her, he might have starved.  The dr that did the surgery was also amazing, and told me upon waking up that he saw no reason that I could not continue to nurse after I went home as soon as the anesthesia was out of my system.  I was ecstatic!  As it happens, mr peanuts went on a bottle ban about 5 seconds after I got home.  He's never taken a bottle since, with the exception of once a few days after my surgery while we were at my nephew's birthday party.  The only real reason I'd even given him the bottle was because my arm hurt and I didn't want to try to flash the whole pizzeria while I was nursing him.  He drank all of one ounce and then required some boobies.

   I recovered well and quickly and am now years (hopefully) away from being on the transplant list.  My heart function nearly doubled and I feel pretty damn good cardiac wise.  Now if I could just get the fucking RA to leave me alone I'd be great.  I'm going to  close for now,  although at some point I NEED to blog about my day yesterday.  My Gram passed away yesterday and I'm still in shock. 

Until next time...

This is my old ICD

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Birth of Memphis...

  The drive to the hospital was surreal, traffic was light, we didn't talk much.  I have no idea what we listened to on the radio, in fact, all I really remember looking back is that I couldn't get my mind off of the little being I was getting ready to meet that day.  I was contracting mildly, in a very steady but not very painful rhythm.  At that point I wasn't worried about being in labor, I knew I had plenty of time. 

  We checked in really rather easily, there was no one in the waiting areas and within just a few minutes they had me in the back getting my admitting papers done.  A woman came to talk to me about cord blood banking.  We were extremely fortunate to be able to take advantage of a program they have in that hospital in which we could donate half and the other half they would store for us for free.  Otherwise, there is no way we could have afforded to bank it.  We took care of that paperwork too.  Because of my genetic condition, they will not use his cord blood for anything more than research, but to me, that is enough. 

  We were taken back to a small room and they strapped me to the usual monitors, keep in mind this is my 5th delivery so this is not an unfamiliar experience for me at all.  At first, he wouldn't quit moving, so they had a hell of a time keeping him on the monitor.  It worried me, but then again, every damn thing about this pregnancy worried me.  It really had been an amazingly easy pregnancy all things considered.  I never really had complications with the baby, it was always just me.  It was me they were concerned with all along.

  The dr came in, and at this point we were totally in love and comfortable with her, so she didn't have to explain much to us.  She watched my contraction pattern though and realized that I was indeed in labor.  Memphis was going to arrive that day one way or another anyway, so at that point we both kind of sighed in relief because that meant he would almost surely be able to breathe on his own.

   It took a while for the cardiologist to get there, so we had a little bit longer of a wait than any of us wanted, but my wonderful ob/gyn (who is actually the head of maternal/fetal medicine for that hospital) had cleared her whole day just for me.  My very sweet, but very busy cardio showed up and we got the incredible and very wonderful news that I would get to stay on the maternity floor rather than go to cardiac care.  She didn't see a need for me to be on a monitor, my ICD would take care of any complication that would arise due to my heart anyway.  There wouldn't be anything that anyone could do different that would save my life than they were already doing cardiac wise.

  So we get to the part where the anesthesiologist comes to talk to us to explain the spinal and guess what?  I got the head of anesthesia for the hospital too.  So that's all three heads, cardiac care, maternal fetal medicine and anesthesia.  I had an incredible surgical team. 

  I had had epidurals before but never a I was not sure what to expect.  It was very very different.  I'd only had one effective epidural in all my deliveries and that was for my lost angel so I wasn't nearly as far along.  I never really got more than about 10 pounds over my pre pregnant weight due to the hyperemesis like morning (all day) sickness I had until I was about oh..12 hours after I delivered!!! LOL  It was ok, I was still huge.  So anyway, they get us to the OR, and get the spinal done, lay me down and I go numb.

    It was awesome.  I'm prone to panic when lying on my back because even on a good day, I can't breathe lying flat, so I was promised good drugs when the baby was out.  It was very quick from the time they layed me down to the time I got good drugs :)  I could actually see in the reflection of the surgical light what they were doing, and I could of course hear them, but I couldn't feel a damn thing.  It was pretty cool really.  I didn't feel the tugging and pushing you hear about, I didn't have any sharp pains at any point.  I was in labor when they began, and the baby was never in any danger so it was way less scary than I would have imagined.  It was really quite beautiful.

    I heard the most glorious sound, my baby crying.  All of a sudden I was complete.  He was fine, he was breathing on his own just fine.  I was fine too, extremely stoned on whatever the hell they gave me, but I was fine too.  Turned out I was huge because I had an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit though. 

  They did a tubal while they were in there, and stapled me closed.  Mr peanuts weighed a whole 5 pounds 8 ounces and was 18 inches long.  My tiniest baby.  In fact, the tiniest I'd ever seen up close, but not bad for a 36 weeker at all.  He was BALD though!!!! Save for a few straggly blonde hairs, he was bald!  I'd never had a bald baby, it was a shock.  But he was adorable none the less.  I have to giggle still, he was the only white baby in an East LA hospital, so it was pretty funny, they made a big deal out of it.  The only white baby and the smallest baby not in the nicu so he was a marvel.  Add that to a one in a million mommy and we got a shit ton of attention.

   It was pretty embarrassing for the first 12 hours or so when I couldn't stop vomiting though.  He was breathing fine when he was born but in recovery we noticed some grunting, and when we'd gotten to our room, they were worried, but not enough to take him to the nicu.  He also couldn't hold his temperature even a little bit, every time they'd take him out of the warmer he'd get cold.  But they kept him in the room.  R sat helpless, watching us both, not able to help either.  He was scared shitless, I could see it in his eyes.  I couldn't do anything, nothing but throw up.  I was helpless too.  I had amazing nurses, one of them gave me a spongebath because I was covered in sweat from vomiting.  Finally, the nicu team came in as I was getting the last of the morphine out of my system and told them to give him to me.  They laid him on my bare chest and he immediately rooted for a boob.  They noticed a pattern, when they'd take him from my, his temp would drop and he would start to grunt to breath.  When he was with me, he was fine.  So, from then on he stayed with me. 

  They even let me hold him when they took my staples out to switch over to the steri strips before I went home.  I had a hell of a time getting him to eat though.  He ended up having a pretty severe tongue tie and what they call a heart shaped tongue.  The tip looks like the top of a heart.  I actually gave in to exhaustion at one point and gave the poor kid some formula.  He didn't particularly like it though and would only eat an ounce.  He promptly threw it all back up anyway.

    I was a wreck those first few days.  I eventually got him to latch on and he's been a boobie baby ever since.  In fact, those first few weeks he gained weight at such a rapid and steady pace they decided he didn't need the tongue tie clipped.  The recovery from the c section was not bad, I was sore, but it wasn't more than I could handle.

  The scar still itches, but it's only been 9 months now so it's not unheard of at all for it to go on for even longer.  I'm lucky, he has been very healthy for all he had stacked against him.  He's  a bright little boy, the love and joy of my life, he made me complete.  Don't get me wrong, I love my other children and maybe I'm just enchanted with him as a baby but he did make my family complete.  He will be my last baby for sure, I can have no more so there is a special bond.  For now I must close, I'm being summoned for boobies...
Until next time