When I left off last time, I was just coming home with my ICD. I recovered rather well, but one thing that sucked was not being able to lift my left arm above shoulder height for 3 months. Quite difficult when you have a 2 year old LOL! So over the course of the next year, I learned everything I could about cardiac issues. Learned what was available at the time about Brugada. Learned some horrible statistics that led me to believe I wouldn't last more than a few more years.
As time went on, and son #2 grew bigger, I got better. At one point, my ejection fraction (the force with which your heart pumps blood out) was normal. Almost unheard of with the ef I had before diagnosis. I also had all my kids checked. EKG only though, I am still unwilling to subject them to eps until they are older. My daughter will be 18 in May, so I would like her to have one soon, but she is resistant. Anyway, I also became kind of a professional patient. It seemed like all I did was take care of the kids and go to the doctor. In fact, that WAS all I did.
I grew more agoraphobic the more time went on. I stayed on my meds and decided that I would just deal with life the way it was. I didn't think I'd ever change my way of thinking. I really haven't I guess. I'm one of the only people I know that is ok to just sit at home and not go anywhere...ever. Time went on, "life" went on. I longed for another baby but was told by my cardiologist that it was not advised. I longed to be pregnant again, to feel a baby move inside me, to breastfeed again.
Eventually, I worked up the nerve to talk to my hubby about it, to ask him his thoughts. I knew it was a risk. I knew it was stupid, selfish and horrible of me to even ask. It was what I wanted. My husband has a habit of not telling me no. So, we went to my primary care dr and asked him his thoughts. He didn't see much of a problem with it as I was doing so well at the time, so we stopped using birth control. We didn't "try", we just didn't try to prevent. The longer I stayed off of bc, the more I figured it just wasn't meant to be, so as disappointed as I was, I gave up hoping that I would ever have another baby.
Around Halloween, I resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to get what I wanted and we just gave up. We got to a point that we didn't even look at a calendar or anything. I had an app on my ipod that was like a period tracker, and in November it started sending me alerts that I was late. I'm not terribly regular or anything, so a few days here and there are no biggie to me, I didn't worry about it. Ten or so days late, I told my hubby I was late and he went to the store and picked up a test. I was scared to take it. He laughed at me and told me there were only 2 ways it could go. He gave me a glass of water and went about his day.
I worked up the nerve to take it and I didn't even set it down on the counter before it came up positive. Lo and behold, I was pregnant, my wish had come true. The next morning, I called my pcp and got the lab sheet to have it confirmed with a blood test and by Weds of that week, I had my verification. So I will leave off for there for now, and I will post again at the next available opportunity!! Until next time...