Saturday, July 28, 2012

Losing...

Well, I find myself in another difficult place.  Kinda reminds me of an old "Friends" episode where Chandler puts one hand up on either side of his head and says "Rock, hard place, ME!".  My cousin, who I'm not at all close to, is going off to college in a month.  My uncle and he decided to take one last camping trip before Danny left and I've come to another moment in my life where I just don't know what the fuck to feel.

They were on their way up north to a favorite campsite when there was a tire blowout.  They went down a 500 foot ravine.  My cousin has what the paper described as "minor to moderate injuries" that in reality are more like severe including broken vertebrae and a head laceration that required them to cut off the dreadlocks he'd been growing for years.  My uncle was not as lucky, if you can even call it that.  He died on the way to the hospital or shortly after he arrived from what I understand.

So far in 2012, I've buried my step father, my maternal grandmother and now, my uncle.  My mom's side of my family is very small and now we are the only ones left.  I guess I should say WAS small because now it's virtually non existent.  I'm lost again.  I look at my brood of children and I'm reminded that the reason I felt so strongly about having so many was so they'd never be alone.

When I lost my brother a little part of me died that day too.  He was my only sibling, and we were very close growing up.  I never want my kids to feel as alone as I do.  Now I am comforting my mother through that same pain.  How much loss can one family bear?  How do I get over yet another loss?  

I've completely buried myself in sewing projects and crafts and that is seeming to help a tiny bit but not much.  I just don't know.

Until next time...
J

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