I was sitting on a surgical bed being sewn back together after my youngest son was brutally ripped from my womb and my fertility was forever destroyed. I know that sounds very dramatic, but in truth that's exactly how I feel. See, even though I've suffered through severe morning sickness, PSD (some painful pregnancy related shit that makes your pelvis feel like it's shattered), and loss, I love being pregnant. I don't know why really, I just do. For some reason today I feel almost as if I'm mourning my fertility still.
A year ago right now, all I cared about was that he was breathing on his own, the ramifications of the tubal ligation were beyond my thoughts at the time and now they are a prominent feature of my being. I feel almost less of a woman because I can no longer reproduce. I had no business having Memphis anyway, but I would have another if I could still get pregnant. I suppose it's a great thing I can't. If I was healthy I'd have 10 kids.
At this sentimental (emphasis on MENTAL) time I am overjoyed and sad all at the same time. His party is tomorrow and I'm sure after the reality of it sinks all the way in and I take him for his one year shots and all it will affect me differently. For now, I'll just share a video I made shortly after he was born.
Until next time...