Sunday, January 19, 2014

Nocturnal emissions...

Get your mind out of the gutter ya perVs...this is NOT what I'm talking about tonight.  Although I'm sure some of my loyal readers know the perVersions of which I speak, tonight I'm off on a tangent.  First, let me put it out there, that there WILL BE a mamatography post later in the day so today is a twofer.  So now that I've gotten that little bit of info off my chest I can move on.

If you know me from facebook, or any of the facebook groups I admin for, you know I've been bitching NON STOP about my ass crack issues. Better known as, my pilonidal cyst.  I think this fucker just might kill me.  Have I mentioned that I have a ridiculous cardiac response to extreme pain?  My blood pressure and heart rate shoot through the roof.  There is nothing I can do about this.  I can't just breathe through it for all the well intentions of the people that tell me I can.  A few deep breaths would be so much easier and cheaper and faster and truthfully probaby work better IF IT WORKED AT ALL for me.   It does't, all it does is deplete the oxygen the rest of me need to live.

As I'm sure you've figured out by now I'm having a hard time right now.  My poor little son got attacked  on the playground on his birthday by a bully.  He's a little scratched up, but he's fine.  His birthday party was today and I just plain did too much by myself.  And sadly, only 2 kids showed up at all.  I'd spent the entire morning baking cupcakes and going up nd down the stairs to check on the movie I was burning that I hurt myself.  No one even wanted to watch the movie either, they just played video games.

BUTT (pun of course) back to the reason for the post in the middle of the night.  I've got to do something abouth this thing.  I take on an average day 3 15mg MS Contin pills (of course prescribed by a doctor) and for those not in the know, that's a pretty good amount of morphine.  Like enough that some people can't even function on it and it deosn't even take the edge off this pain.  It flairs up, drains, goes away for a few weeks to a few months and then it comes back.  My pain management doctor has told me all my options and I know that ultimately it will require surgical removal.  I have problems with that here.  The recovery time from these things is slow.  In case you don't know what this thing is, I'll put a link to the webmd for it at the bottom.

I'll need to be down more than up in a house full of people that literally need me to tell them what soda to buy if any and what to set the oven for for a frozen pizza.  MY HUSBAND DOES NOT WORK OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.  He is always home, so he should know how things run, but I still have to tell him to wipe the boogers off of the baby or chage his diaper before he pees down his leg.  My teenagers do virtually nothing.  My daughter....well, she couldn't do less if she did try.  My son does the bare minimum and he half asses it all so bad I have to re-do it or someone else does.  My husband says he's trying to learn everything but ya know what? he hasn't worked outside the house for more than 2 years now.  He really should get it by know ffs. I think he does and he just waits for me to do it anyway because I always have. 

For the first time in my pilonidal journey I have a fever of a little over 102 and it's been that way for a few days now.  I know it's not the thermometer because I've used several to be sure I was seeing this right.  The cysts drain, in fact this time it's draining from two places and isn't foul smelling or anything (TMI I know, I'm sorry) So I don't know what to do.  Of course my primary care doctor said go to the ER, they aren't equipped to deal with it there if it needs lanced and packed which it sounds like it does.  BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! I go back to that cardiac pain tolerance thing though and that scares mme.  Cardioversion is quite unpleasant and could just trigger a chain effect too.  

How, though, in this house where no one knows what to do even when I am here and somewhat capable, supposed to even consider the prospect of sending a few months with my asscrack splayed open and packed with gauze and at the mercy of people that get mad at me for looking at them wrong when I was cooking dinner (that's actually happened, with my "adult" husband) one night?  Seems a little risky in a selfish way.  That's not even beginning to think about the kids and how or if they'll be properly cared for.  My ass hurts, my ambien is kicking in and I'm going to go sulk about it.
Until next time...

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