The myth of the perfect baby

 It's been quite a little bit since I've really had time to sit down and write. Or, really since I've had the energy and hand strength to write and work in the same day and we don't really take very many days off here.  When we do it's kind of forced by health vs anything else.  We've been really blessed to be busy so far this year. My darling husband is on another round of gout right now, and I've got some new toys to play with including a commercial cotton candy machine that's taken over my kitchen and I absolutely love her.  I should hold a contest somewhere to name it.  Presently I'm actually on a Facebook ban so I'm not even able to post there lol.  I may be able to do it on another one though.   Anyway, this was really just a quick check in, to say hi, and let everyone know that I'm still here, and I see y'all checking in...if you need me, you know where to find me ;) Until Next Time... J

   So wow, I'm writing again all of a sudden, what's with that?  Sometimes I'm completely predictable, and then again, sometimes I shock the hell out of even myself.  I'm not sure what compels me to share the things I do so openly, but at this point in my life, I kind of feel like there are people that could learn from the dumb shit I've done.     I was reading back through some of the older posts on here, remembering who I was then, where I was, and what I was going through.  I come off like such a miserable person in so much of it.  I really wasn't.  I just didn't have anyone to talk to and didn't know how to express myself any better than I did.  I don't truly know if I've learned from it, I just have someone to talk to now.  Someones...plural...I actually have a female friend that hasn't gone running for the hills or decided they don't like me anymore because I can't do enough for them (that's a reference to some really old po...

 It's been a long time since I've been here, doing this.  This thing I used to do and cherish so very much.  My priorities changed, my life changed, the world changed, everything and everyone changed.  And that's ok.  I don't know where to really begin with this, but I'm betting it'll be a long one, so if you're here, reading this, settle in for a long post.  With a lot of run on sentences and grammar errors because when I get to typing I really don't pay as much attention as I should, and I don't proofread these as much as I used to.  My time is more valuable to me than it used to be.   A long time a go a whole lot of doctors told me I was really sick...so sick I was going to die but not QUITE sick enough to qualify for any help of any kind. So I had myself pretty depressed for a while.  I realize now that ir was mostly self induced.  Some of it was situational, but most of it was because I do a great job of convincing myself the worst ...

 Ok so, I dunno how you got here but if you're here reading this hi.  I'm Juni and you may have found me from another social media or you may have just wandered in.  Regardless, this post is going to ramble so settle in... October is a shitty month for me in general usually, mentally.  It's my "I lost my babies" month.  The birthday of my stillborn son, the anniversary of my losses and generally a shitty month.  But I do love Halloween because I'm Pagan as fuck.  So I'll kick off November and be all good.  This November I was fucking around on TikTok and posted a video that went viral.  Then my little company got so many orders so fast I didn't know it was even possible.  The faster I made gummies the faster they sold.   And the more videos I posted the more followers I got and in a week I went from 2,400 to roughly 16.5k. And counting I hope.  For a long time I didn't post here.  I felt like what I had to say wasn't ...

I don't even know where to begin today.  My life is so much different than it had ever been in any of my previous posts.  In part because the whole world is in crisis mode right now, and in part because my whole world changed but it was given back too.  Let me explain... Way back in July of 2017 I was cheating on my husband and he got drunk and kicked me out *rightly so I absolutely think he should have*.  I moved in with that man and proceeded to have the strangest 2 years of my life until he up and left with almost no warning on May 31 2019 and I had no choice but to be homeless or move back in with my still legal husband and kids and my adult daughter and her kids.  So guess where I live now?  With my legal husband and my kids and my adult daughter, her fiance and her kids. I say my legal husband because we didn't get back together when I moved back in, we just are best friends now.  And I can honestly say I will be extremely jealous when he finds...

So uh...I didn't fall off the face of the planet or die.  I just had a whole lot of really weird (even for me) shit go on that I will probably eventually fill you in on.  For now, I just wanted to say hello to whoever keeps peekin their little heads in here and let you all know that I'm ok. Maybe better than ok really.  Life got shitty for a while.  And I got fired in March from a job at one time I really loved but long story short, it became a horrible place to go and be cyber-terrorized by the person I worked for and the bitches he was fucking in the other offices.  But I still do the same thing I did before only better.  With the exception of some really strange continuous cyber-stalking on the ex company's part.  Goes to show though how bored some folks are that I'M the one they'd be interested in. My kids are huge.  My grandkids (now plural) are big too.  I'm amazed at how blessed I am for how shitty a person I've been.  But I a...

So life got twisted, turned and went upside down.  I'm what I never thought I'd be...a non custodial mother.  Legal issues aside, my younger kids are boys and boys need a father.  I cannot teach them to be a man in any way shape or form.  Anyone that "stays together for the kids" is stupid.  I was stupid for way too long.  Now I'm away and I miss them like I never thought I could miss anything.  It's an overwhelming ache you can't understand unless you're a mother away from her children.  Men are designed to be away, we are not.  It hurts.  With a burning passionate hurt.  And I'm Gumping my way out of that...that's all I'm going to say about that. I don't expect anyone to understand my choices, or agree with them.  I don't particularly care if they do.  I'm not struggling with them.  It's what we all needed.  I have things I need to heal from away from them and they have things they need to heal from away fr...